Again, it really hasn’t been a good last few days. I’ve been in pain, I’ve been grumpy, and I got in some trouble at work. At the nutritionist we spent my half of the appointment discussing some of these issues more than my diet.
First, I’m doing very well food wise. I’m sticking to my 1500 calories or below everyday. Even days where we “splurge” on something I just cut back elsewhere. On Sunday, Mother’s Day, my mom really wanted Kentucky Fried Chicken so I had one chicken breast and two biscuits (I really love those) but then had light meals the rest of the day. I’m also still drinking anywhere from 80-100 ounces of water/no sugar iced tea throughout the day. Nutritionist is very pleased here.
I’ve only been to the Y once since last week, just on Saturday. With the heavy rain and the pain I haven’t felt like leaving the house at all much. So I’ve stayed in with a good movie or a good book. Since school is over for the semester I am able to read for pleasure. I just wish I could read as fast I used to be able to.
I had this odd feeling on Monday, knowing that I had done something wrong but couldn’t quite place it. Sure enough yesterday I had a talking to. It was deserved. I lost my patience on a conference call and someone who was on the call thought it was unprofessional. I will admit to it. Although I couldn’t pin point the exact comment I made a coworker was honest with me which he thought it was and I did appreciate that. I need to learn to walk away or step back a few minutes so I don’t do something I shouldn’t. That’s going to be my next focus. Learning how to control myself and deal with stressful situations like the one I put myself in. I might lean on my coworkers who might be on calls with me to step in when I feel like I may be losing my patience. Face it, patience is something I never had but that is my issue and no one else’s. My nutritionist said she is going to help teach me some relaxation techniques. I’ll try anything to stay out of trouble.
She actually explained where it might be coming from – and I’m not making excuses for my behavior, I’ll take full responsibility for it. But knowing what’s causing it means that I can find away to stop it from getting away me.
It seems like I am going through some of the side affects of the Vicodin, which are confusion, insomnia (as some of you know), irritation (more than usual), and headaches (more than usual.) So that will be on my list of things to talk about with my doctor.
The confusion is something that has me very worried. There are days where I will be speaking with a few coworkers and I can’t articulate anything simple. I know what I want to say but pause very often mid sentence because I can recall a word I need like “server,” “content switch,” and other words that I use everyday in my job. Sometimes, and last Thursday was a good example of this, I just wanted to run somewhere and cry (although, I did have a good cry in her office today.) I normally am very good at multitasking but lately it’s becoming very hard to do so. I love my job and I love what I get to do. In hindsight I really don’t have many projects, three plus one I am covering for someone on, but I feel so overwhelmed that I can’t handle it. Especially when it seems like everyone wants something from me all at the same time. I just hope that over time they find out what is wrong with me and get it fixed so I can get back to some normality.
Speaking of which I had an MRI done on Friday but haven’t heard back yet. Surely if they found something I would have received a call from the doctor by now. I intend to call the doctor’s office by Friday. I wanted to today but got wrapped up in a few things and did get a chance to call.
I think that’s about all right now. Thanks for all the support, I appreciate all of it! Marie, you are like my personal cheerleader.
- Weight at home: 243 (new scale – was 237 on the old as of last week.)
- Weight at the nutritionist: 246